We had a busy but good day….weekly shopping, went to a local fair with a dear friend to watch a friend of ours sing, had an amazing dinner on the way home. A busy day fighting fatigue as I try to get stronger and as back to normal as I can before my next surgery.
I finally got to relax on the couch at about 11:30pm but it was well worth every minute….and yes, finally a pic of me without a wig on. 💕
I have been doing OK since my last treatment. As usual I am tired, weak and run down. No amount of sleep or rest is enough at this point. I am tired of being tired….
Treatment went well today and it was quicker than normal because my nurse didn’t see that I have been getting the steroids and Benadryl mixed in a bag and given to me over a 45 minute time period. Luckily I didn’t have reactions to getting the meds quicker so that was good and it shaved close to an hour off of my time in the chair.
I have a plan in place for my month off between chemo and surgery. I will work on getting back on my treadmill and using our weight machine. The steroids have not been kind to me as I have gained almost 20lbs during my 4 1/2 months on chemo. I know that it is better to gain weight during treatment rather than losing it, but I feel yucky with the extra weight. I haven’t worked out since December so I am anxious to get back to it. I will be very careful so I don’t cause any injuries that would delay me further. I will be dealing with a weakened body so I will only walk for 20 to 30 minutes in the beginning, making sure that I am moving but not pushing it too much like I normally would do.
I have to admit, I am going to miss Thursdays off with my husband, but not the reason why. He has been my rock through what is easily the most difficult battle of my life and it isn’t over yet…..I am almost 2/3 of the way done.
Work is an excellent distraction. I am thankful every day that I work from home and that I still have my job. I love my job and in many ways it is helping me “keep it together” from day to day.
I try my best to have as many normal days as possible but it isn’t easy because I know that my body is fighting hard and that I am sick with cancer. Most days I try to forget that I have another treatment coming up, that I am sick, that I am fighting cancer. To most I look like I am brave and dealing with all of this well but I am not as brave as you think.
I have cancer….those 3 words still make me cry when I say them outloud or even think them. I still cry when I look in the mirror and see that all of my hair is gone, that my left breast is deformed. I cry often, if that makes me weak then so be it…I am doing the best I can.
This is a terrible and difficult journey, one that I didn’t ask for, one that isn’t in my family history and one that will change my life forever…..