Mood: Happy  😁

I am feeling sooo much better today! Getting a good night’s sleep makes such a difference for me, especially these days. I wish I could sleep this well every night, but it’s usually only a few times a week.

Good, quality sleep is so important while fighting cancer. I am on a few cancer apps and I see more often than not, that cancer patients have a hard time sleeping.

Sure, resting is easy, most of the time, but getting enough sleep is difficult and at times, impossible.


No Sleep, again

August 9th, 2019

Mood: Exhausted  ☹

So last night I had another night of only about 2 hours of sleep. I finally started to fall asleep about the time Bo woke up, 7am and I slept until my alarm went off.

My oncologist explained yesterday that the steroids and the Benadryl are working against each other. Both medications are important while going through chemo. I did have both of them as well during the first two months of my chemo and I had no reactions at all. But now that I am on Taxol, things are different and I am not clear as to why.

So, we have to do more adjusting next week….I can’t live like this! 😣

Taxol #4

August 8th, 2019

Mood: Anxious  😕

We kept my Benadryl dose at the same amount this week after telling my Oncologist about my sleepless night last week. He said that a sleepless night could happen again, but it is important that I stay on the Benadryl for now and we don’t want to lower it too much.

I was uncomfortable during the last 20 minutes of my treatment. I was sleepy but I couldn’t settle in my chair, I kept sitting up and putting my feet on the floor.

What I find strange is that I have had Benadryl during all of my treatments so far and I have only had problems since I started the Taxol. I didn’t have any problems at all during AC….weird.

Taxol treatment #4….8 to go!

Day to Day Thoughts

August 7th, 2019

Mood: Anxious 😟

My thoughts can be overwhelming at times….

Work is an excellent distraction. I am thankful every day that I work from home and that I still have my job. I love my job and in many ways it is helping me “keep it together” from day to day.

I try my best to have as many normal days as possible but it isn’t easy because I know that my body is fighting hard and that I am sick with cancer. Most days I try to forget that I have another treatment coming up, that I am sick, that I am fighting cancer. To most I look like I am brave and dealing with all of this well but I am not as brave as you think.

I have cancer….those 3 words still make me cry when I say them outloud or even think them. I still cry when I look in the mirror and see that all of my hair is gone, that my left breast is deformed. I cry often, if that makes me weak then so be it…I am doing the best I can.

This is a terrible and difficult journey, one that I didn’t ask for, one that isn’t in my family history and one that will change my life forever…..

No Sleep

August 2nd, 2019

Mood: Exhausted 😟

So my Benadryl dose was cut in half during my treatment yesterday….

I didn’t sleep at all last night, well maybe 2 hours or so. When my alarm went off I knew I was in trouble. There was no possible way I could work….I couldn’t form a thought to save my life! I tried to do a little bit of work but my concentration was simply not there. I ended up resting for most of the day and oddly enough I couldn’t sleep at all….it was a long and torturous day!

Praying I don’t have another day like this one….

Taxol #3

August 1st, 2019

Mood: Hopeful 😏

I had some issues with the Benadryl last week. Not only did it make me sleepy, it made me jittery as well. I mentioned what happened to the PA and she cut my dose in half. I was not jittery this time so that was a huge improvement.

Taxol treatment #3…..9 to go!