Reality of Chemotherapy

Mood: Sad 😫

I know I have written about the side effects I experienced while going through chemotherapy treatments and the after effects, so I won’t go into the details about all of that again. You can read that entry here if you haven’t read it.

This is a hard entry for me to write, to show you a part of me that breast cancer and chemotherapy have taken from me. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I take pride in my appearance. I knew from the beginning that I would lose my hair, so I bought a few wigs early on in my journey and I promised myself that I would not go to a doctor’s appointment or out in public without a wig and at least some makeup on. I didn’t want people seeing me and feeling sorry for me, and I still don’t.

I have an update about my two big toe nails….I had to cut them both almost completely off and quite honestly, I cried…this newest development is devastating to me!

My sad toes, with medication applied!

This is yet one more part of me that I have lost to breast cancer and chemotherapy. First it was my beautiful long blonde hair, then my eyebrows and eyelashes, then the rest of the hair on my body, yes, all of it, then it damaged my finger nails and now, losing my toenails. Luckily, it looks like my nail beds were growing under my damaged toenails, my toenails had almost completely lifted away from my nail beds, so my toenails should grow back healthy and normal, but it will take time. My hair, eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back now, but slowly. I will eventually take a picture of what my hair looks like now and update you. Currently I am waiting for it to fill in a bit better as I have a big patch in the front that is not growing at the same rate as the rest of my hair and I have noticed that my eyebrow on the same side is behind in its growth as well…no clue as to why.

So at a time when I have already been feeling ugly and less than feminine, losing my toenails and worrying about what they will look like by my trip in May, has not been helpful. I know that the way I am feeling about how I look will eventually pass as my body continues to fight to get me back to good health.

5 Replies to “Reality of Chemotherapy”

  1. Sounds awful to be honest. I appreciate how real you are with telling us how your fighting this cancer! You aren’t trying to glorify it in any way- it sucks and I have no idea what you feel as I cannot relate. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Please know that I wish the best for you and continued improvements on your health. 💕

  2. You are still a beautiful woman despite what you have experienced as a result of breast cancer and chemo. Your outward appearance does not alter inner beauty in the least.

    My prayers are with you.

    David

      1. You are most welcome Mary. I will keep you in my prayers. I’m learning so much since my wifes diagnosis and mastectomy on this past Monday. As her husband, this is a mental and sensory overload, but I will stand strong at her side.

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