Mood: Thoughtful 😏
April 23rd was a bittersweet day for me. A year ago on that day, I had my first surgery to remove my breast cancer. 💕 I was so scared to undergo my first surgery. I had never been through surgery before and it was terrifying to think about a surgeon cutting into my breast and removing cancer. My surgeon reassured me that everything would be OK and that if he wasn’t worried, I shouldn’t be worried either. From that day forward I knew that I was in the best hands possible and that he was saving my life from an aggressive and terrible form of breast cancer.
Today it is overwhelming when I think back and remember everything that has happened from the beginning of January 2019 to present day. It is crazy to realize that on April 28th of this year I had my 4th surgery, my 2nd reconstruction surgery; when until I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had never had major surgery before.
I have changed a lot in the past 16 months. They say that you can’t go through a cancer journey without changing both inside and out, and that you will never be the same again. I used to fight that statement early on saying that it would not happen to me, that I was stronger than that. But I realize now that it is very true, I will not be the same again so I am working on doing what I need to do to be happy with myself both inside and out. I have done a lot of research and I am taking specific vitamins that not only help block cancer from developing and growing but that are also beneficial for my immune system, bones and heart. I am also working on trying to undo some of the damage that the chemo treatments did to my skin. I feel like I have aged quite a bit in my face and it really bothers me. I am definitely making some progress now that I have been working on it for quite a few months so I am happy about that.
I look at life very differently now. So many things that used to upset me or make me mad seem trivial and I can get easily irritated when people complain about those trivial things. It is not worth the stress to get all worked up about things that we can’t change or have no control over. I am not saying that I don’t ever complain, just that I try my best to look at disappointments with a different view after living through fighting cancer. Life is not easy and it doesn’t always go the way we want it to but we make adjustments and move on…I know it isn’t always easy to do so, but it’s best for us and those around us.